load bearing soul

a letter to my mother

Still, still I am a load bearing soul, 
So, I will carry your wound sack  
across my shoulders
chisel space in my skull
for your sadness 
and if this isn’t enough, mum 
I’ll keep trying, I’ll sell
my spleen, a kidney, a lung-
so, your suffering can live
comfortably inside me, 
I will weigh my flesh and give 
you a kilo (2.2 pounds) the
metric system balances the pain 
			
Even then you will say that 
I don’t deserve the springtime, 
though my soul has buckled
and my skin sack is empty
my kilogram of flesh 
bloody on your scales,
I mustn’t laugh at the diving swallows
mustn’t inhale the lustful jasmine or 
finger magnolia flesh turning to leaf.
	It’s not enough to bear your load.
	It’s only fair that I suffer as you have
	and there’s logic in your metrics
	but what mother loves her child with kitchen scales?
	what mother calls this love
	at all. 

Leave a comment